Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
