Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
