Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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