i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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