This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
