connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
