"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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