Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
