Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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