I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
