You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
