Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
