Little spoons don't ask big questions
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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