dude i'm inner monologue high
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
