there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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