sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
