She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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