He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
