I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
