I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
