If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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