Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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