I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize