And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
