my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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