OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
