Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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