First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
