i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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