good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
