no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
