We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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