Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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