omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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