I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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