Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
