I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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