i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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