C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
