Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
