respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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