she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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