I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
