I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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