community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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