I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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