I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
