Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My dick has a subreddit
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
