you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
