jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
