My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
