don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
