i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
