God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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