So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
