Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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