I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
