Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
