I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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