You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
