oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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