We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
