Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
