My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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