am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize