she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
