he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
