If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
