wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize