i just wanna soil my oats bro
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
