Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
