you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
