the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
