i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
