Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
