did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is Oprah even human
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
