On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
