Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
