Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
