this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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