Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
