I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
