Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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