The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
