Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
