I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
