I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
