Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize