You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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