kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
