Just cropdusted the office
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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