before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
