Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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