Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
