Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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