I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
