i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize