im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
