I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh god it's open bar.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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