shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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