need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
