Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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